Saturday, April 12, 2008

The wheels on the bus go round and round…

"An idle mind is the devil's workshop” ~English Proverb

As I head across the Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco is awash in a pale, grey-blue haze making the skyline look like a black and white photograph.

I’ve been anxiety ridden for the past 2 days as I, once again, packed my belongings for an extended leave. With all this time on land, I’d grown accustomed to the creature comforts of home – sleeping in my own bed, driving a car, spending time with good friends and family, going to the gym, having (other peoples) pets around, cooking for pleasure instead of work. I tossed and turned last night, my stomach in knots as I imagined bouts of seasickness and longing for home. All this time off, time sitting and waiting, has given me a lot of time to contemplate. Too much time in fact. Way too much time. With every launch delay, I’ve questioned whether this is real, whether the yacht will really ever make it into the water. It’s as if a temporary amnesia had clouded my brain. I questioned myself, “Am I doing the right thing? Maybe I should settle down”. I entertained the quaint notion of moving to the ‘burbs, pressing my imaginary husbands crisp, white shirts, cooking for three screaming rug rats beautiful children. Ok, reality check: The Good Lord knows I’d quit that job on the first day!

But now, looking out over silvery waters of the bay shimmering in the bright morning sun, I take a deep breath and relax into my nylon-upholstered seat. Something about looking out over vast, open waters always fill me with a sense of calm. And as the wheels on the bus go round and round, bringing me closer to my destination (the San Francisco Airport) my fears, apprehensions and anxiety fade like the morning fog and are replaced instead by an almost ecstatic sense of joy, anticipation and excitement over the adventure that lay ahead. This IS what I live for…

I’d set a goal for myself two and a half years ago, when I first began working in the yachting world, and that was that I was going to cook my way around the world. And that is exactly what I intend to do.

Now, I have to run, I have a plane to catch…

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